Foundational Learning

The following videos were recorded as part of a series of training videos I created for 99 Balloons (bEfriend). For context, learn more here. Videos are ‘unlisted’ on YouTube and are for Lead For One participants (past and present) ONLY. Please do not share. Thank you.

Foundations Part 1: Devaluation & Wounds

Duration: 20 Minutes

Key points:

  1. Tony’s Story – Tony’s life, from institutionalization at Willowbrook to longing for a real home, reveals the deep gap between society’s ideals of inclusion and the reality of exclusion.

  2. Devaluation & Its Expressions – People with disabilities (and others who are ‘devalued’ are often seen as less valuable, leading to harmful stereotypes, segregation, loss of control, and even neglect or abuse.

  3. The Value of Relationships – Freely-given friendships challenge devaluation by restoring dignity, belonging, and hope in ways that institutions and formal paid services cannot.

Key takeaway: Devaluation is the underlying problem that leads to social isolation. When we perceive a person or group as having less value and, therefore, treat them poorly (and differently!) than people who possess characteristics that we, and our culture, value.  

Foundations Part 2: Our Response

Duration: 28 Minutes

Key points:

Ultimately, through these one-to-one, freely-given relationships, we hope that devalued people experience what we call:

The Good Things of Life

  1. To love and be loved

  2. To be safe and secure

  3. To be treated with dignity

  4. To find purpose and work

  5. To have family or close friends

  6. To practice faith in community

  7. To have a true place to call home

Five Core Assumptions or Beliefs to Uphold in Relationship-Building Work

  1. Many needs can only be met through freely-given relationships

  2. People are willing to help for free

  3. Interdependence is desirable

  4. There is mutual reward

  5. Advocacy is sometimes needed

Foundations Part 3: Top 5 Pitfalls (for those leading programs)

Duration: 20 Minutes

Key points:

The 5 Most Common Mistakes in Leading Relationship-Building Programs

  1. Reinforcing Negative Stereotypes – Unconsciously reinforcing harmful perceptions through activity choices and segregated settings.

  2. “Ambiguitating” the Problem We Are Addressing – Mistaking disability itself as the issue instead of the deeper problem of social exclusion and isolation.

  3. “Ambiguitating” People’s Roles and Expectations – Blurring the lines between matchmakers (facilitators) and Advocates (relationship-builders), leading to confusion and dependency.

  4. Compensating, Incentivizing, or Rewarding Advocates – Undermining the authenticity of freely-given relationships by offering external incentives like money, credits, or awards.

  5. Pairing People Randomly – Creating unsuccessful matches by failing to align Advocates with the real needs and interests of their Partners.