Frequently Asked Questions

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What population does Do For One serve and how do we recruit Partners?

Partners we serve are 21 and older or have transitioned out of the education system. Partners can have physical or intellectual disabilities, or both. Some Partners were born with a disability while others may have developed a disability later in life (e.g. dementia, loss of ability to walk after a stroke, mental illness, etc.). 

We identify Partners who experience social isolation through our connections with disability agencies, other non-profit organizations, church and parent networks. Partners live in all kinds of residential settings - some live at home with a parent or an aide, some live in group homes, nursing homes, mental health facilities, in a shelter, or on their own. Staff get to know each Partner holistically.

I have never had previous experience befriending someone with a disability. Is that okay? 

Yes! Most of our Advocates do not have previous experience or professional training in working with people with disabilities. Many of our Advocates work in other fields such as marketing, the arts, engineering, or may be retired. You don’t need to have previous experience in order to know how to be a good friend, mentor, or advocate. In fact, sometimes, having too much “formal training” working with people with disabilities can get in the way of seeing the Partner as a neighbor or friend. In fact, many Advocates who do have previous experience working with people with disabilities such as special education teachers, support staff, or social workers share that they begin a refreshing journey of “unlearning” in order to be able to develop a freely given, mutual relationship with their Partner.

How often do Advocates and Partners meet together?

Every relationship is unique and it is up to the two people in the relationship to decide when and how often they meet. Do For One staff do not ask Advocates to “log volunteer hours” as we want the relationship to feel just as organic and embedded into your life as any other relationship. At the same time, recognizing the uniqueness of the relationship between one person who is better connected in society and one person who is profoundly socially isolated, we ask Advocates to prioritize their Partner and be intentional about establishing a sustainable rhythm for getting together. 

Many Advocates and Partners get together, on average, twice a month. Some Advocates choose to see their Partner weekly. Other Advocates get together with their Partner once a month,  and stay in touch over the phone or texting in between in person meetings. As a guiding principle, we say, “It is better for you to get together with your Partner once a month for the next 5-10 years, than to get together once a week and burn out after 5-10 months.” 

Longevity in relationships is key for people experiencing social isolation so do whatever you can to keep the relationship feeling sustainable over the long haul. Of course, Advocates may go through seasons where they are not able to see their Partners for several months (e.g. When Advocates have a baby, or are going through their own crisis or challenges in life). The important thing is to communicate this with your Partner - as it gives them a chance to also care for you just as any of your other friends would.

Does Do For One provide reimbursements for anything we do with our Partners? 

No. We do not provide reimbursements for anything that Advocates and Partners do together because this would be in direct conflict with our mission of making it possible for isolated people with disabilities to gain access to freely given relationships. The people we serve tend to rely mostly on paid relationships with staff and professionals in order to socialize, and the Advocate/Partner relationship is distinctly set apart from paid relationships. 

That being said, money can be a tricky issue to navigate in freely given relationships. Many Partners tend to have little or none of their own money to spend however they wish, and Advocates tend to have access to more money. If this is the case in your relationship with your Partner, Do For One Staff are more than happy to support you through this and brainstorm ideas with you to keep the relationship feeling sustainable. Some Advocates simply make up their mind to always pay for their Partner if they do go out to a meal or a movie. Other Advocates and Partners choose to do things that cost little or no money, such as spending time at each others’ homes, going to the park, or attending free events in the community. Most Advocates have landed somewhere in the middle and we are happy to support you through this as needed.

Do relationships ever not work out?

Yes, in our 9-year history as a program, we have made and supported over 100 one-to-one relationships. Out of those relationship matches, 74% are still ongoing. We believe that our high rate of relationships lasting and enduring over the years is due to our careful matchmaking in the beginning stages, the ongoing support provided to the Advocates, and the dedication of our Advocates and Partners, which cannot be measured quantifiably. 

Some relationships end for natural reasons, such as a Partner passing away, an Advocate or Partner unexpectedly moving far away, or the relationship simply fizzling out over time due to lack of chemistry or investment from either the Advocate or the Partner. Other times, the match was set up to fulfill a short-term need (such as an Advocate stepping in to help a Partner during a crisis such as hospitalization and the Advocate’s presence no longer being necessary or relevant in the Partner’s life once the crisis has passed), so it is appropriate for the relationship to have ended once the short-term need was fulfilled.

What if I’m not sure I can commit to a long term relationship (e.g. moving away from NYC)?

If you already know that you have set plans to move away from NYC, we will most likely not match you as an Advocate to a Partner. However, there are other ways that we would love for you to get involved with Do For One that are outside of that such as becoming a regular Community Friend at our gatherings, joining our prayer community, or signing up as a monthly donor. 

There may even be an already existing Advocate/Partner match that could use some extra support, particularly if the Partner is in a crisis and would benefit from a team of people pitching in (for example, a Partner is sick in the hospital and needs as many people as possible visiting them regularly, dropping off meals, and helping to take care of other miscellaneous needs). 

There are also instances where a prospective Advocate already knows that they will be moving away in 1 or 2 years after finishing a school program. In these cases, we can work together to make a case by case decision about whether or not it would be beneficial for you to become a short-term Advocate to someone in need. 

What training and support do you provide? 

All prospective Advocates are required to attend our “Intro to Do For One” orientation session. All Advocates once matched with a Partner, are assigned a Relationship Support Coordinator (one of the Do For One Staff) who becomes your go-to person whenever you need support surrounding your relationship with your Partner. Your Relationship Support Coordinator will reach out to you about once a month, during the first 6 months of your relationship, to offer phone calls or Zoom conversations about how your relationship is starting off. Over time, you and your coordinator will decide the most helpful rhythm of contact and support, and staff support generally fades over time once relationships develop a strong foundation. 

Advocates who have been matched for over a year will typically only hear from us a few times a year to be invited to our Annual Christmas Party as well as any Advocate Forums (optional gatherings for Advocates only to get together and share and learn from each other). 

Another optional but supportive aspect of Do For One is our regular community gatherings. Some Advocates choose to attend our gatherings with their Partner every so often, as meeting other Advocate/Partner matches may help you to feel more supported in the relationship through the community. (See the next section for more details on community gatherings.) 

How does the matchmaking process work? 

Do For One Staff will reach out to you if we feel that a Partner in our network would be a good fit for you. The staff will share with you more information about the Partner and why we feel you would be a good fit. Factors we take into consideration include location, age, gender, similar interests, etc. At the same time, staff will also reach out to the Partner about you and ask if they would be interested in meeting you. 

If both parties feel it would be beneficial to meet, staff will arrange a meeting for the two people to meet with the staff there as well. Once this meeting has occurred, the staff will follow up with each person to ensure both people feel good about the match. Typically, the Partner and Advocate will exchange contact information after the first meeting, and the two people will arrange their first meeting without staff within one month of the initial meeting. If there is agreement that the 1st meeting that the Advocate and Partner have together goes well, we call it an official “match.”

See the “Onboarding & Match” Section for more information.

How long does it take to be matched? 

Making the right match takes time; the matching process can take anywhere from 1 month to 1 year. We are inviting someone to be part of the Partner’s life over the long-term and we want to do a thorough job in making sure it is a match with the potential to last. We focus on quality over quantity and speed. 

What programs exist that are similar? 

During the deinstitutionalization movement, Dr. Wolf Wolfensberger, a prominent leader in the field of Human Services came up with Citizen Advocacy (1970) to offer an inexpensive, yet effective way of providing freely-given personal companionship and support for people with disabilities. Citizen Advocacy was recognized by the federal government as a program which strikes at the heart of America’s values. Do For One benefits from lessons learned from over five decades of Citizen Advocacy practitioners from Canada, Australia, New Zealand and the United States. 

Can you share an example of a relationship between an Advocate and Partner?

Every relationship looks different. Some Advocates are friends, while others are mentors, problem-solvers, protectors, resource-finders, etc. This is just one example of what a relationship can look like: 

Erin’s story: Erin lives in a group home with two roommates with disabilities and a rotating team of 24/7 staff. Erin’s staff have high turnover rates, and she has no family who live locally. Do For One introduced Erin to Susan, who lives in the neighborhood and has earned the trust of Erin and all her staff. The two of them like to leave the group home to go on walks to Dunkin Donuts to get Erin’s favorite coffee. They sit in the park and listen to music. They talk on the phone once a week. While support staff have come and gone, Susan has been in Erin’s life for four years and counting. 

Read more stories on our newsletters page.